2025 second quarter (+ 1 month)#

The second quarter of this year was mostly dominated by my preparation for the art fare I joined in late May. I wrote extensively about it here if you missed it. It was an amazing experience that I hope I'll do again next year!

Health#

Unfortunately this quarter was plagued by a few health issues. I was very active in April and had trouble getting used to my day job schedule. My sleep took a hit, leading to anxiety and a constant state of body alert.

I had several tachycardia crisis, was unable to take a deep breath, and felt like I was suffocating, as if something was pressing my stomach. In early may after a big crisis I took an emergency blood test. It came clean: no stroke, no heart failure or high blood pressure, no pulmonary embolism risk. I'll see a specialist in September to confirm the results.

With all those risks put aside, I shifted focus on the pain and pressure I felt around my stomach. I always thought I was a person who manifested stress in the stomach, and that was all there was to it. Turns out I may have an unidentified issue in my stomach, maybe an ulcer. I'm on medication until we find out what's going on, and already feeling way better.

Work#

This quarter was a roller-coaster at my day job. Things I obviously can't detail happened that made me reconsider staying at the company, so I renewed my trial period until October.

Around June I've finally got accustomed to the rhythm at work, but my importance as a designer/front of the frontend guy had already been put aside. Most clients don't care how their enterprise web apps looks like, so we assemble pages with already pre-made and pre-designed components, write a bit of logic in TypeScript with requests and types generated by the backend, and call it a day.

It's efficient, cost effective, but it sucks the joy out of me and makes me feel useless. It feels like there's no room for original design, HTML or CSS in today's job market.

This situation probably explains why I volunteered two weeks ago to temporarily replace the manager on a project that went bad. I felt that I would be more useful this way. I've done non-profit work for years and was already a tech lead before, but I always refused to be a project manager, due to my inability to leave work at work.

But somehow, since my last burnout in December 2024, I've finally learned to not care about work anymore. I've detached myself. Of course I will act professionally and to the best of my abilities. So far my colleagues are happy with how I shield them from clients and organize the work for them, so things seem good, even if I am exhausted by the takeover.

Joy and happiness#

While reading all the above one might think I had a terrible second quarter. Health issues, job issues and all. But it couldn't be so far from the truth. This quarter has been amazing on a personal level!

I've had a rich social life, full of new encounters, activities, experiences. I shared dates with sweet and fulfilling persons. I visited new places I didn't know existed. I danced in a giant crowd during a music festival despite my anxiety around crowds. Drank too many coffees with a friend. Heard my 5 years old niece yell "I LOVE YOU UNCLE!!" while I was leaving to go back home.

I discovered new music that allowed me to nail down what I actually seek and like in music. I even got dumped, overthought everything, self-pitied myself, and went over it in a week. I ate amazing food, especially shiitake raviolis. I celebrated 19 years together with my partner. We played an amazing video game together. I made progress on my CMS. I bought new clothes and jewelry that made me feel pretty. I'm evolving in ways I didn't expected.

All those things filled me with joy and this period has been one of the happiest of my life. I haven't felt this alive for years and I hope it will continue for a long time.

Other things#

Initially published: Fri, 01 Aug 2025 00:00:00 UTC
Last modification: Fri, 08 Aug 2025 22:04:24 CEST